Logline Madness 2020 – First Round Action

May 1, 2020 by

Logline Madness 2020

First Round – Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Judge: Daniel Seco, Schemers Entertainment

There were a total of 425 qualified submissions to the Logline Madness 2020 Competition. All Patreon donors were allowed to submit one logline that was automatically promoted to the first round of judging. Loglines submitted via Discord were voted upon publicly online and the nine (9) receiving the most votes were promoted to the first round of judging. Loglines submitted via Discord that were not promoted via the online vote, along with those submitted via email, were given to the selection committee of ten (10) writers, who then decided the remainder of the loglines to compete in the first round based on a vote.

A few loglines were missing required information (title, author, genre, medium, etc.) or the same author submitted multiple loglines and as stipulated by the rules of the competition, and may have been disqualified.

Below are the loglines designated as the top twenty-four (24) in the Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy genre by the selection committee and online vote. The twelve (12) loglines chosen to move on to the Semi-Final round, as determined by the judge, are listed at the bottom.

 

1) Far by Monica Romero (TV) – After blowing up her career and marriage by having an affair with a client, a burned-out psychologist escapes by taking an “easy” job in outer space, only to find that restoring sanity to the space station’s crew will put her survival skills to the ultimate test.

Judge’s Feedback:  I have a hard time visualizing the comps. There’s also a simpler version of this that would be more effective.

2) One More Day Inc. by Andy Erikson (TV) – A fierce but damaged single mother enlists the services of One More Day Inc in order to bring her estranged father back to life for one more day. So that she can kill him.

Judge’s Feedback: Interesting concept that definitely hooked my attention, but not sure if it gives me a sense of the show over multiple seasons.

3) The Atlas by Katharine Burgess (TV) – When a string of murders point to an extinct race of superhumans, a detective with the power to see auras struggles to hide the secret that both cracks the case and turns the world against her.

Judge’s Feedback: Clean and to the point in a way that still gives me a sense of the show. Well done.

4) E-Brain by Anne-Cecile Ville (Feature) – After acquiring a brain enhancement, a divorced woman with a history of postpartum depression falls prey to a dangerous stalker, but the world questions her sanity when the police find no evidence he ever existed.

Judge’s Feedback: Works relatively well, but it feels very execution dependent rather than just off of the concept alone.

5) The Naughty List by Chip Riggs (Feature) – Two young sisters undertake a magical, harrowing journey to the North Pole to erase their names from Santa’s naughty list and find themselves in the middle of a fight between light and dark in what should be the happiest place on Earth.

Judge’s Feedback: Very fun and engaging logline that works on a very high level. Excellent job.

6) The Valley of the Skull by Aaron M. Corpus (Feature) – Two women — a steely Catholic nun and a vengeful freed slave — embark on a dangerous, life-changing rescue mission when a violent gang of ex-Confederate slave hunters kidnap the nun’s younger sister.

Judge’s Feedback: Tough sell as a project, but a nicely executed logline that conveys how the film will unfold.

7) Enemy by Clint Williams (Feature) – After one of their own impulsively murders a Comanche boy, a small group of Spanish calvarymen find themselves deep in hostile territory without horses and must trek across the vast prairie facing the dangers posed by vengeful warriors, nature and each other.

Judge’s Feedback: Simplify this and you may have something here. It required me rereading the logline multiple times.

8) The Island of Ivory by Cody Rae Allen (TV) – After the death of his adoptive mother, a determined teenager teleports to a magical island in search of his birthmother, only to find chaos due to the tyrannical King’s rule. With some help, he soon learns of his destiny to bring peace to the island.

Judge’s Feedback: You try to jam too much into the logline. Strip it down and just focus one or two things.

9) The Custodian by Daniel M. Chiu (Feature) – After a brutal crime in his building, a mysterious Custodian takes the Law in his own hands and becomes a target for shadowy CIA Operatives hunting down national security threats.

Judge’s Feedback: Outside the box but not too far, this is a strong logline that resonates on a meaningful level.

10) Bad Lights by Dominick Parris (TV) – In a future America, years into a rash of unsolved murders, a widowed social worker’s drive to protect her clients brings her face-to-face with a dark intelligence and it’s plans to save the world.

Judge’s Feedback: Trying to do too much. Simplify it and you’ll have something that should work.

11) Jungleland by Hans Bauer and C. F. Mitchell (Feature)  – After the annihilation of his tribe by a lumber tycoon, a South American Indian travels to New York City where he partners with a dissolute Detective to seek revenge.

Judge’s Feedback: Clean and to the point. Well done.

12) Clones by Ismaail Edoo (Feature) – A gifted engineering student is recruited to perfect a machine which uses clones to recreate crime scenes, only to be tied into the current investigation when her clone confesses to the murder.

Judge’s Feedback: Quirky and outside-the-box in a meaningful way. This is a very intriguing logline.

13) The Plight Of A Suicide by James Banner (Feature) – A grieving father commits suicide after the mysterious disappearance of his son. Now, he must embark on a perilous journey across the cruel and malevolent realm of the afterlife in search for the boy he lost.

Judge’s Feedback: Interesting, but it’s lacking something. I can’t help but wonder why he gives up on his son.

14) Hardpan by James P. Gannon & Matt Ferrin (Feature) – In the American Southwest during the early 1980s, a young demolition derby driver becomes stranded in the desert after crashing his car. Injured, alone and with only a case of beer to survive on, he must rely on his ingenuity to transform his wrecked car into something that can save him.

Judge’s Feedback: This sounds like a fun journey that would resonate with a significant audience. Nicely done.

15) The Blacksmith by James Hickey (Feature) – During the Irish War of Independence, a determined blacksmith earns the role of Military Commander, organising a group of locals and orchestrating brave and daring events, helping to shape the country and against all odds, defeat one of the mightiest empires in history – bringing freedom to his people.

Judge’s Feedback: Way too much going on. Strip this down and focus on less in order to paint a clearer picture for the reader.

16) Coriander: The Lost Elephant by Jordan Sandfer (Feature) – When a curious newborn elephant strays from the herd’s migration, he must see through a height-fearing bird’s misleading directions and forge his own path home across the unrelenting Kalahari Desert.

Judge’s Feedback: Interesting concept, but the stakes aren’t high enough for me.

17) Ginger Harem by Maroun Rached (Feature) – When the daughter of an FBI agent is kidnapped by a hedonistic sect and turned into a sex slave, both mother and daughter must fight the powerful organization to break free from its claws.

Judge’s Feedback: It’s technically solid, but it comes across as a highly divisive subject matter.

18) Kaya by Matthew Leo (Feature) – Reservation dogs, acid trips and torrential rain storms complicate a hiking trip between two sisters as they look to repair their strained relationship.

Judge’s Feedback: Decent starting point, but bring in more urgency and give us a deeper cinematic feel.

19) Fates by Oscar Moreno (TV) – After the noble and powerful hero of an alternate fantasy world becomes a terrifying villain, his former allies and friends must unite forces across multiple realities before he destroys them all.

Judge’s Feedback: This is a good start, but I’d like greater specificity so that it can stand out amongst a crowded genre.

20) Kingkiller by Adeleke Kayode (TV) – A mysterious man named V, rumored to be a fabled warrior searches for a lost treasure that can shed some light on his past. As well as his future.

Judge’s Feedback: Sold, but too broad of strokes. Give the reader more nuance and detail to help bring the show to life.

21) Where Water Tastes Like Blood by Rémi Brandely (Feature) – In a dying world, a young girl encounters a hardened survivor harboring the antidote to a deadly virus and takes refuge in his bunker, unaware that he killed her mother.

Judge’s Feedback: Nicely done. Immediately hooked my interest and gave me a clear sense of the film.

22) The Dishonorable by Vegard Pedersen (TV) – Frank convinces his childhood friend Kermit to retire as mayor in their hometown to follow their dream about wealth and power, and they end up on the wrong side of the law.

Judge’s Feedback: This doesn’t give me any sense of how the show can sustain itself over the course of multiple seasons.

23) 8.13.61 by Erika S Ellis (Feature) – The night the Berlin Wall is erected, an American father and son visiting family in Berlin, get separated and fight to get back home, while eluding the murderous Stasi on their trail.

Judge’s Feedback: Great concept for a film, but the logline just needs to be tightened slightly. Overall well done.

24) Zuma by Daniel Robberse (Feature) – In order to save the crumbling Aztec empire, a young slave pursuing military greatness embarks on a suicidal journey to commit an impossible coup.

Judge’s Feedback: Clean and to the point. Nice job.

The loglines selected as the best 12 and moving on to the Semi-Final Round:

#2 One More Day Inc. / #3  The Atlas / #5 The Naughty List / #6 The Valley of the Skull

#9 The Custodian / #11 Jungleland / #12 Clones/ #14 Hardpan

#17 Ginger Harem/ #21 Where Water Tastes Like Blood / #23 8.13.61 / #24 Zuma

The other First Round loglines (Comedy, Drama and Horror/Thriller) will be announced in forthcoming articles. Thank you to all writers who submitted loglines and congratulations to those moving on to the next round of the competition!

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