Logline Madness 2020
Championship Round
Judges: David Baggelaar, Scott Carr, Lee Jessup, Carole Kirschner,
Adam Kolbrenner, Christopher Lockhart, Daniel Seco, John Zaozirny
Below are the loglines designated as the best in each of the four genre categories and finalists for the winner of the Logline Madness 2020 Competition. Out of 425 total qualified submissions, these are the final four…
Finalists
1) One More Day Inc. by Andy Erikson (TV) – A fierce but damaged single mother enlists the services of One More Day Inc in order to bring her estranged father back to life for one more day. So that she can kill him.
Judge Scott Carr: The idea of a company that does this is original and clever. And the buy-in isn’t what I expected, which I think is a good thing. The tone will matter, since I assume this is a dark comedy and that will require ways to relate to the character and these extreme actions.
Judge Lee Jessup: Sounds like a fun and diabolical concept. The only question that came up for me is: If this is all about our lead bringing her father back and killing him, do we have enough to sustain this premise over multiple seasons and many hours of TV? Few shows have been successful sustaining the cat-and-mouse of it all over multiple seasons; even Killing Eve was not as strong following its first, splashy season…
Judge Carole Kirschner: This is terrific! Concise, compelling and made me want to read.
Judge Adam Kolbrenner: Small story but want to know more.
Judge Christopher Lockhart: I like the business idea of “One Day More Inc.” (It’s reminiscent of the third act from Thorton Wilder’s OUR TOWN.) Does the series revolve around the single mother’s desire to kill her estranged father? How do you sustain that? Or is this an anthology series featuring a different character each episode who brings someone back to life for a day (for various reasons)? In this logline scenario, I’d like to know what goes wrong. She brings back her dad for one more day, but something goes wrong. I think that’s a crucial element to the story that’s missing here. This sounds more like a feature film idea rather than a TV series.
Judge Daniel Seco: Conceptually really intriguing and definitely something that would hook a reader’s attention, but that second sentence just doesn’t flow perfectly. There has to be a better way to make this feel more seamless.
2) The Eve by Gerrard Hartland (Feature) – After accidentally running over a fake Santa, a single mom learns she’s been cursed for the festive season and has until Christmas Eve to prove she is the holidays greatest champion.
Judge Carole Kirschner: A fun idea but would like to know a little more about what she has to do to prove it. Just a few words that tell us the kind of action there will be.
Judge Adam Kolbrenner: Sounds like a very fun Holiday movie- CHRISTMAS CLAUSE in tone
Judge Christopher Lockhart: It’s not clear why running over a fake Santa results in her having to prove she’s the holiday’s greatest champion. Why does she care about being a Christmas champion (or why do we care)? It might help to know what the curse entails. Even if we accept this concept, it’s not clear what her journey involves. It sounds like an episodic story featuring the mom going from one Yuletide extreme to another. This kind of thing can flatten the curve of act two’s rising action and get dull quickly. And what’s the measuring stick to prove she’s Xmas’s greatest champion? Overall, I get it, and if the screenplay hits all it’s marks, my questions will be answered. But this gets an unenthused hum-bug from me.
Judge Daniel Seco: The single mom of it all feels tacked on after the fact. That needs to have greater connective tissue rather than unfolding as something that’s been added to feel buzzy. Otherwise, clean, fun and easy to visualize.
3) Post Mortem by Travis Carr (TV) – After a fateful accident, a desperate funeral home director tries to save his failing business by killing citizens of his sleepy small town, convincing himself it’s all for the sake of his family.
Judge David Baggelaar: Strong start, but the longevity of a series is unclear. What motivates the director? How are we supposed to root for this character? There needs to be something to ground these actions and give the audience something to latch onto.
Judge Lee Jessup: Sounds like a very cool, creepy world, and a creepy story unfolding within it! I would definitely tune in to check out the pilot.
Judge Carole Kirschner: This is fun. However, it’s a little long, I’m not sure you need “convincing himself it’s all for the sake of his family”. It’s gilding the lily a bit.Because the important point is he’s killing the citizens. The fact that he’s telling himself it’s for his family may not be essential to know in the log line. It’s intriguing enough without that.
Judge Adam Kolbrenner: Could be interesting – Breaking Bad in tone.
Judge Christopher Lockhart: I find the world of funeral homes and its employees to be intriguing. I like the idea of a mortician killing people to increase his own business (and I’ve seen it before in several scripts). I think the second part of the logline drops the ball. I wish the fallout to his enterprise were more exciting than what’s offered here. But I can imagine his efforts snowballing into something he cannot control. Is he only killing bad people? How can we relate to this undertaker’s undertaking?
4) Jacqueline/Hyde by Matthew Bryan (TV) – After being attacked, a by the book cop receives a heart transplant from her brother, a brilliant surgeon on death row. When she awakens, she discovers she can now see, hear and speak to her dead brother while solving crimes – but if her heart rate gets too high, he takes over her body and goes outside the law to pursue his own brand of justice.
Judge Lee Jessup: I do like this idea, but it feels like between our protags being able to speak to her dead brother while solving crimes AND that her brother would take over should her heart rate get too high, it feels a bit like a hat-on-a-hat situation.
Judge Carole Kirschner: While I like the idea, as the log line currently is, it’s a little too long and somewhat convoluted. I think you’re trying to convey too much information in what you hopefully can get across in one sentence.
Judge Adam Kolbrenner: Very unique take. Jekyll & Hyde meets LAST CHRISTMAS.
Judge Christopher Lockhart: I like the opposite genders of Jacqueline & Hyde. Given the nature of the concept, the sibling angle feels a bit incestuous. I’m not sure of the tone here. Are we supposed to take this seriously? Is this a straight thriller or is it tongue-in-cheek? The way this is described, I cannot help but think of Steve Martin & Lily Tomlin in ALL OF ME. That may or may not be a good thing. As a series logline, this enables me to understand the basic premise of the show, and the predicament of the protagonist. A logline for a series tends to be broader than a logline for an episode (of the series).
Judge John Zaozirny: Intriguing idea, albeit one that feels quite familiar and, potentially a little goofy. The pile up of elements (the cop who needs heart transplant can only get it from her brother, who is 1) a brilliant surgeon [not sure why this element is needed] 2) who is on death row) before we even get to the talking to her dead brother and then him taking over her body… There’s definitely potential here, but the execution would need to be at a high level for it not to come off as silly.
Each judge was asked to rank the four genre winning loglines. First place votes were worth 10 points, second place 7 points, third place 5 points and fourth (last) place were worth 3 points.
Final Point Totals:
Post Mortem – 58 pts
One More Day, Inc. – 56 pts
Jacqueline/Hyde – 44 pts
The Eve – 42 pts
Logline Madness 2020 WINNTER:
*** #3 Post Mortem by Travis Carr (TV) ***
Winning logline, Post Mortem and runner-up One More Day, Inc. both received four (4) first place votes and two (2) fourth/last place votes and were separated by only two (2) points, out of a total possible two-hundred points (200). In addition, third and fourth place loglines, Jacqueline/Hyde and The Eve both received second place votes from at least three (3) judges, showing how close this competition was.
As the winner, Travis Carr will have his script read and considered by five literary managers. In addition, all of the four finalist scripts will be read by at least one lit rep for consideration. Congratulations!
Thank you to all writers who submitted loglines and congratulations to Travis for winning the 2020 Logline Madness Competition!
Genre Finals, Action & Comedy (results):https://www.scriptsandscribes.com/2020/05/logline-madness-2020-genre-finals-action-comedy/
Genre Finals, Drama & Horror/Thriller (results): https://www.scriptsandscribes.com/2020/05/logline-madness-2020-genre-finals-drama-thriller/
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