Scripts & Scribes – Logline Madness 2015
Approximately 100 entries were culled to 40 participants. Three rounds of judging by nine top industry professionals and we are down to the final two loglines in the 2015 Scripts & Scribes Logline Madness Contest to determine the champion.
David Baggelaar – Benderspink
Scott Carr – Management SGC
Rob Edwards – screenwriter
Markus Goerg – Heroes & Villains Entertainment
Ava Jamshidi – Industry Entertainment
Lee Jessup – Screenwriting Coach
Adam Kolbrenner – Madhouse Entertainment
Christopher Lockhart – WME
Marc Manus – Manus Entertainment
The Championship Round
BEST – Drama
301 by Douglas Warne (feature) – When a man’s daughter is abducted in the hallway outside their shared apartment, he becomes obsessed with finding the kidnapper who he believes must be one of the building’s twelve eccentric tenants.
Impressions (David Baggelaar): I’m intrigued by this one. I would try and clean it up a bit. Why does he think it’s one of the other tenants in the building? Maybe there’s quick way to answer that without revealing anything. Nevertheless, it makes me want to read more and watch as the mystery unravels.
Impressions (Rob Edwards): 301 sounds like a tight thriller with potential for great characters that could explore some interesting themes along the way. Great ideas that can be executed for very little money have launched the careers of great filmmakers like Christopher Nolan, Wes Anderson and Quentin Tarantino.
Impressions (Ava Jamshidi): The first part is solid but the logline as a whole is a little more “wordy” than necessary. One would assume a father would be interested in finding out what happened to his daughter… and does it matter that she was kidnapped in their hallway? I’m also curious, is she a grown daughter? A teenager? A child? Not knowing those details, offhand, I think this would read a little better: When a man’s daughter is abducted from the apartment they share, he is convinced that the kidnapper is one of the building’s twelve tenants.
Impressions (Lee Jessup): Interesting. I like the contained element. Seems like it could be a strong character piece with suspense/thriller elements, which is fertile ground for new writers.
Impressions (Adam Kolbrenner): Feels a bit familiar overall leaning into subject matter like ‘Taken’ – If it’s a dark project or drama, saying the tenants are eccentric feels like the start of a comedy.
Impressions (Christopher Lockhart): Any parent would become “obsessed” if their child were kidnapped, so the word choice feels obvious and superfluous, and the set-up perfunctory. The idea that the kidnapper might be a tenant in the building gives this a contained element that could be interesting. But that element isn’t put to clever use in the logline. I’m not sure I see the movie here. Does he call the police? Is there a ticking clock? Is he knocking on tenants’ doors or kicking them in? The logline doesn’t need to spell all this out, but it needs to infer more information that enables me to see the movie. I’m not sure what the protagonist does after his daughter is kidnapped. The protagonist is simply labeled “a man” – giving us no idea as to how he might interact with the story. In TAKEN, for example, Liam Neeson isn’t just “a man,” he’s a former black ops agent – which gives us greater insight as to how that character will impact the narrative. Who is your protagonist? This helps me envision who might be cast in that kind of role. There’s some intrigue here, but, ultimately, this logline doesn’t quite sell it.
Impressions (Marc Manus): I’d request based on the logline but it opens up too many doors, logically, in my opinion.
VOTES FOR: (5) David Baggelaar, Rob Edwards, Markus Goerg, Lee Jessup, Adam Kolbrenner
BEST – Comedy
PORN AGAIN KRISTEN by Tania Penn (TV) – After her televangelist husband is arrested for various felonies and their assets frozen, a born-again Christian and minister must return to her former life of porn to make ends meet.
Impressions (David Baggelaar): Very funny, clearly and concisely states what it’s about, who the characters are, and what the obstacles are. It gets the comedy across and has potential for longevity.
Impressions (Scott Carr): I like this one. Nice irony to it, and makes way for organic uses of humor in a provocative yet relatable environment. This is my favorite – and frankly the only one I’d consider reading from this batch. Great title, too.
Impressions (Rob Edwards): PORN AGAIN KRISTEN is also a great logline but it’s a hard sell. I can’t help but think that it might be a better premise the other way around (a porn star who has to become an evangelist). The premise shows a great mind and I look forward to more ideas from this writer.
Impressions (Ava Jamshidi): I think this is a very good an efficient logline. The only thing I’d add (again, not knowing the exact plot but can make assumptions) is saying “must return to her secret former life”… otherwise, really well done.
Impressions (Adam Kolbrenner): Sounds tragic and interesting. Great characters come from loss and extreme circumstances that are thrown at them.
Impressions (Christopher Lockhart): Sounds like a TV show that fits the current zeitgeist of networks like SHOWTIME and NETFLIX. The high concept pitch feels a bit obvious (in regards to the extremes), but it also makes ways for plenty of conflict and laughs. It’s possible to see some longevity here too.
Impressions (Marc Manus): You know what it is when you read it.
VOTES FOR: (4) Scott Carr, Ava Jamshidi, Christopher Lockhart, Marc Manus
301 by Douglas Warne (WINNER 5-4)
Thanks to all who participated.
A FREE paid admission to
Rob Edwards Screenwriting Master Class – How to Construct Engaging and Dynamic Characters
Date: Saturday, April 18, 2015
Location: Burbank, CA*
*Winner must be local or able to provide their own transportation and accommodations to the event.
Previous results –
Round 1: Comedy, Horror/Thriller/Mystery, Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War, Drama
Round 2: Comedy, Drama, Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War, Horror/Thriller/Mystery
Semi-Finals: Final Four