Scripts & Scribes – Logline Madness 2015
The following loglines were chosen as the best in their individual genres. The winning loglines in the semi-final rounds will compete against each other in the final round to determine the ultimate winner of the 2015 S&S Logline Madness Contest.
Semi-Final #1 (Action vs. Drama)
BEST – Drama
301 by Douglas Warne (feature) – When a man’s daughter is abducted in the hallway outside their shared apartment, he becomes obsessed with finding the kidnapper who he believes must be one of the building’s twelve eccentric tenants.
Impressions (Adam Kolbrenner): Feels a bit familiar overall leaning into subject matter like ‘Taken’ – If it’s a dark project or drama, saying the tenants are eccentric feels like the start of a comedy.
Impressions (Ava Jamshidi): The first part is solid but the logline as a whole is a little more “wordy” than necessary. One would assume a father would be interested in finding out what happened to his daughter… and does it matter that she was kidnapped in their hallway? I’m also curious, is she a grown daughter? A teenager? A child? Not knowing those details, offhand, I think this would read a little better: When a man’s daughter is abducted from the apartment they share, he is convinced that the kidnapper is one of the building’s twelve tenants.
BEST – Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War
WAR BY PROXY by Daniel Cova (feature) – In a future where war is augmented by remotely controlled mechanized killing machines known as Proxys, the most revered Proxy Operator investigates the suspicious death of a fellow Operator and uncovers a vast conspiracy regarding the disturbing reality of the Proxy program.
Impressions (Adam Kolbrenner): There’s a lot going on in this pitch. Needs to be focused as an idea. There’s a big idea in there but it should be boiled down to what makes it unique.
Impressions (Ava Jamshidi): Much of this logline is devoted to establishing the future world that the story encompasses and the character lives in… as a result, the plot of the movie (the uncovering/pursuit of a conspiracy) feels a little like an afterthought. It’s reads in three parts… world, character, plot…. If the world & character could be put in one sentence, then the logline would read smoother and the plot would feel bigger.
My version (without knowing the plot) of the logline would be: Set against a future where wars are fought with remotely operated killing machines, the most revered operator secretly investigates the suspicious death of a friend and uncovers a massive conspiracy.
VOTES: WAR BY PROXY (Adam Kolbrenner), 301 (Ava Jamshidi), 301 (Rob Edwards – Tie Breaker)
WINNER OF SEMI-FINAL #1: 301 by Douglas Warne (2-1 via tie-breaker)
Semi-Final #2 (Comedy vs. Thriller)
BEST – Comedy
PORN AGAIN KRISTEN by Tania Penn (TV) – After her televangelist husband is arrested for various felonies and their assets frozen, a born-again Christian and minister must return to her former life of porn to make ends meet.
Impressions (Ava Jamshidi): I think this is a very good an efficient logline. The only thing I’d add (again, not knowing the exact plot but can make assumptions) is saying “must return to her secret former life”… otherwise, really well done.
Impressions (Adam Kolbrenner): Sounds tragic and interesting. Great characters come from loss and extreme circumstances that are thrown at them.
BEST – Horror/Thriller/Mystery
DANGEROUS AFFAIRS by Jace Serrano (feature) – When she’s blackmailed into conducting a targeted killing, the first female President must find a way to avoid the attack while keeping hidden her dark secret — a past affair with a suspected terrorist.
Impressions (Ava Jamshidi): This one feels a little all over the place. I think there would be a more linear/dramatic way to present the story and plot of it. The logline is the mini-version of what the movie is about at its core and needs to have its own element of surprise and an arc. My version (again, without knowing the plot) would be: The first female President must find a way to prevent an impending terrorist attack but the stakes are sky high when she is blackmailed into allowing it to happen by her former lover, the suspected terrorist.
Impressions (Adam Kolbrenner): Confusing description in the pitch structure. Wording seems to be upside down. Could be an interesting thriller though.
VOTES: PORN AGAIN KRISTEN (Adam Kolbrenner & Ava Jamshidi)
WINNER OF SEMI-FINAL #2: PORN AGAIN KRISTEN by Tania Penn (unanimous decision 2-0)
Next up: The Finals (301 vs. PORN AGAIN KRISTEN)
Previous results –
Thanks to all who participated.
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