Scripts & Scribes – Logline Madness 2015
Judge: Markus Goerg, Heroes & Villains Entertainment
The following loglines were chosen as the top five (5) in the action, adventure, sci-fi, fantasy and war category and the logline selected as the best will move on to the semi-finals.
CAELUM by Nicholas Waterbury (feature) – In post-apocalyptic America, A wandering soldier meets an escaped slave with amnesia and must use her to save his family from a slave town run by a sociopathic leader.
Impressions: The log line is fine, although I would not be interested in reading this, here’s why: 1) There’s a TYPO in it. When making a first impression as a writer, one would think it’s in the very least clear of errors. This one isn’t. 2) This sounds as if the soldier is taking advantage of the escaped amnesiac for his own and his family’s gain against the woman’s will, which does not sound enticing to me. It would be a LOT more interesting and intriguing if the escaped slave was the KEY to finding his family, and he and the woman had to work together to achieve a common goal. As is, it reads very one sided and is therefore a PASS.
GUNRUNNER by Despina Karintis (feature) – A rogue CIA agent trapped behind enemy lines risks treason to stop an illegal arms deal.
Impressions: Quick and concise, this log line gets right to the point, although it doesn’t give me ENOUGH to want to request the script and find out more. I’d love to know, in a few words, WHY the agent is rogue, why he’s trapped behind enemy lines, and how he would have to commit treason to stop an illegal arms deal, and also, why we should care about it? I would imagine illegal arms deals happen every day, and we’re in general are none the wiser, so how is this important? Bottom line: not enough information to get me hooked. PASS.
HORIZON by Bas Geelen (feature) – A depressed young man working at a space observatory receives a mysterious message from an astronaut that got separated from his spacecraft and flew off into space fifteen years earlier.
Impressions: …. and then what? This log line gives me what would essentially be the INCITING INCIDENT but nothing further. So what is this man supposed to do? What does it mean? Why is it important to know that he’s depressed? How does that figure into receiving this mysterious message? A log line has to set up the MOVIE for me and lay out the basic CONFLICT. This one does not give me anything to go on, doesn’t tell me where the conflict comes from, and the mysterious message alone is not enough for me to write back and request the script. Contrary to what a lot of “script coaches” teach young writers, it is not advised to omit important information from the log line in order to motivate potential readers to want to know more. That’s not how it works. I HAVE to know in the very least who the main players are, why they are at odds with each other (the conflict), and what’s at stake. If I don’t know any of that, why should I think this writer knows anything about creating an interesting story? PASS.
LIGHTWORKERS by Alize Dakdduk (TV) – After being exposed as a lightworker, a girl must accept the help of an underground group of psychic vigilantes who want to use her gifts to change the world, or face capture by a secret government alliance responsible for outlawing metaphysical power.
Impressions: This log line’s fine, although I don’t know what a “lightworker” is, or how her unknown “powers” have the potential to change the world. As a TV show it also does not sound grounded enough for me to want to know more, but for the purposes of this contest, this log line works.
WAR BY PROXY by Daniel Cova (feature) – In a future where war is augmented by remotely controlled mechanized killing machines known as Proxys, the most revered Proxy Operator investigates the suspicious death of a fellow Operator and uncovers a vast conspiracy regarding the disturbing reality of the Proxy program.
Impressions: This is another effective log line, probably the best of the bunch, although the subject matter does not entice me to find out more.
BEST – Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War
- WAR BY PROXY by Daniel Cova (feature)
The top action/adventure/sci-fi/fantasy/war logline moves on to the semi-finals to compete for one of two spaces in the final round.
Congratulations to Daniel Cova for winning the Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War Bracket in the 2015 Scripts & Scribes Logline Madness Contest!
Thanks to all who participated.
Next up: Horror/Thriller/Mystery – Round 2
Previous results –