patrick melton pic

Twenty things you (probably) didn’t know about Saw IV and The Collector screenwriter, Patrick Melton.

1.  My first job was… a stock boy at my parents’ bed and bath linens store in Chicago.  If you want to know the truth behind the thread count myth, I’m your guy.

2.  If I wasn’t a writer, I would likely be… either an NBA General Manager or an Urban Planner (specializing in highway construction). I don’t know how either of these things is really done, but I think I could do them wonderfully.

3.  I collect… checks.  Boom.

4.  My favorite word is… microcosm.  I seem to use it a lot in conversation since it sounds smart and most don’t know what it means, so they don’t know if I’m using it correctly.

5.  I’m a big fan of… iPic Theaters.  It’s this new outfit born out of the Alamo Draft Houses of the world… but they have Lazy Boy chairs that fully recline.  So, if your movie is boring, you can always catch a nap.

6.  The single best piece of (writing related) advice I have ever gotten… “Your grammar is terrible… are you dyslexic?”  The answer was no, but it was embarrassing and really pushed me to take the written word more seriously.

7.  I have always wanted to… win an NBA championship for the Chicago Bulls by hitting a three pointer at the buzzer.  It’s still a work in progress.

8.  The best thing I have ever read, (but did not write) is… the script for Feast III: The Happy Ending… oh, wait… I wrote that.  Um, I’d say the Easy Rawlins mystery novels by Walter Mosley.  I love them.  LA noir at its finest.

9.  People often tell me that I… live like a seventy year-old grandpa.

10.  I really think that my best work (published or not) is… Hurt.  It’s a really dark, twisted neo-noir we did that may or may not ever see the light of day.

11.  I find inspiration in… other good work.  I’m a fan of movies like everyone else, and there’s nothing more inspiring than seeing a good movie.

12.  The best thing about being a professional writer is… never having to own a comb.

13.  I spend way too much time… staring at a computer screen… and eating snakes trying to figure out the next word.

14.  The funniest person in my cell phone is… Marcus Dunstan.  He’s a like a car wreck of funny… and it’s impossible to look away.

15.  It really bothers me when… skunks chew up by backyard grass looking for grubs.

16.  The worst thing about being a professional writer is… never having a guaranteed job.  We’re all freelance, so we could never work again.

17.  One mistake that most aspiring writers make is… writing shitty scripts.  Oh, you want something more constructive?  Um, giving up too soon.  Persistence is really the key.  And learning to do better as you progress.

18.  If I knew the apocalypse were coming in 24 hours, I’d… murder my neighbor and move into his nuclear fall out shelter.

19.  The three websites I visit most often are… deadline.com, bloody-disgusting.com, and every social media site (FB, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.).

20.  You’d be surprised to know that I… fit the profile of a serial killer pretty closely.  Oh, you’re not surprised?  Well, screw you.


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