Scripts & Scribes – Logline Madness 2015

Comedy Bracket

-Round 1-

Judge:  David Baggelaar – Benderspink

The following loglines were submitted to Scripts & Scribes as comedy scripts and the top five (5) will move on to the next round of judging.



THE AMERICAN ALIENS by Holt Hunziker (TV) – An alien family crashes into the St. Louis Arches during an emergency landing.  They are arrested for acts of terrorism and put on probation in lieu of prison and must find jobs to pay back restitution and court costs while Homeland Security tries to figure out a way to deport them.

Impressions:  Add a few words to set up the world. For example, “In a world where aliens and humans…” As it reads, it’s like them crashing is somewhat acceptable and they are only arrested and not ambushed by the government.


CLASS WARFARE by Steve Cook (feature) – A high school princess is banished from the popular crowd by a jealous frenemy and reinvents herself as a heavy metal rocker hellbent on revenge.

Impressions:  What’s the hook of this? Is she an actual princess, or just the popular girl from the school? Could phrase it like she’s the ‘queen bee’.


GARY SAVES THE WORLD AGAIN by Connie O’Donahue (feature) – The world’s biggest loser becomes the planet’s only hope when he is abducted by aliens and thrown into the intergalactic gladiator ring to battle for Earth’s survival.

Impressions: This is funny and unique. Like the accessible underdog character and the absurd premise. Feels like this one would have some big set pieces, and a somewhat relatable protagonist.


HAPPY HOUR by Rogan Brandt (feature) – Instead of the usual revelry, a Stepford couple, who routinely deceive each other, unknowingly go on the same hellish daycation with their respective cronies.

Impressions: This can be simplified. It’s unclear if this is a comedy or a dram based on the logline , but if tweaked, could be a fun read.


THE IDEOMOTOR PHENOMENON by Ashley Marie Ryan (feature) – Four college students film a séance in a haunted house for their production class, but they fail to make a connection with a spirit, however, the next day the strongest male falls ill and begins to sleepwalk one of the “signs of possession;” the friends become paranoid and are thrown into a whirlwind of paranormal investigator groups and Santeria rituals to cure him of what turns out to be a common cold.

Impressions: Needs to be shorter. This is a lot to digest and is an underwhelming conclusion. Like the idea of a found footage séance for a production class.


LADYLIKE by Romi Moondi (TV) – Self-obsessed and sociopathic in the big city, two twenty-something women who would horrify modern feminists work at a company that makes empowering toys for girls.

Impressions: Not a big enough hook. Unclear if it’s a comedy, drama, and thriller based on the logline. If for TV, doesn’t feel long lasting.


NATURAL SELECTION by Shirley Day (feature) – JESS, a disgruntled life guard, plans to get rid of an awkward customer: VAL, but the plan backfires when Jess inadvertently saves Val, and Val claims to be indebted to Jess for the rest of his days.

Impressions:  Reads extremely vague. Would make minor tweaks, eg Val seems more like a guest than a customer at a pool/beach. Explain the opposition between Jess and Val.


PORN AGAIN KRISTEN by Tania Penn (TV) – After her televangelist husband is arrested for various felonies and their assets frozen, a born-again Christian and minister must return to her former life of porn to make ends meet.

Impressions: Very funny, clearly and concisely states what it’s about, who the characters are, and what the obstacles are. It gets the comedy across and has potential for longevity.


WILL ‘N SHAKESPEARE by Tim Lane (feature) – The great British icon suffers the slings and arrows of outrageous farce when an illiterate English peasant, Will, and a black fry cook, Shakespeare, team up to become the world’s single greatest playwright.

Impressions: Comes off as a slapstick-y parody. Not sure who the audience is, or what the hurdles are for these characters to overcome.


TOP 5 – Comedy

  1. PORN AGAIN KRISTEN by Tania Penn (TV)
  2. GARY SAVES THE WORLD AGAIN by Connie O’Donahue (feature)
  3. HAPPY HOUR by Rogan Brandt (feature)
  4. THE AMERICAN ALIENS by Holt Hunziker (TV)
  5. THE IDEOMOTOR PHENOMENON by Ashley Marie Ryan (feature)


The top five (5) comedy loglines move on to the next round for judging.

Thank you to all who participated and congratulations to those moving on.

Next up:  Horror/Thriller/Mystery Bracket – Round 1

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