Logline Madness – Round 1 (Action)

Mar 26, 2015 by

Scripts & Scribes – Logline Madness 2015

Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War Bracket

-Round 1-

Judge:  David Baggelaar – Benderspink

The following loglines were submitted to Scripts & Scribes as action, adventure, sci-fi, fantasy or war scripts and the top five (5) will move on to the next round of judging.

 

Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War

CAELUM by Nicholas Waterbury (feature) – In post-apocalyptic America, A wandering soldier meets an escaped slave with amnesia and must use her to save his family from a slave town run by a sociopathic leader.

 Impressions: Feels familiar with the post-apocalyptic America set up. The slave with amnesia is a nice twist that can create high stakes and tension.  

 

COLUMBIA by Warren Weisman (TV) – A psychiatrist must confront the possibility a patient is suffering from the psychological effects of faster-than-light travel.

Impressions: The word “possibility” is underwhelming. Not sure what faster-than-light travel means in this context.

 

FREEDOM FORT by Clint Williams (feature) – Two runaway slaves meet en route to a heavily armed refuge in Spanish Florida, just in time to help the former slaves living there defend the fort against invading American troops.

Impressions: For American audiences, this isn’t very appealing. The stakes feel low. Characters can be a bit more defined in the logline.

 

GUNRUNNER by Despina Karintis (feature) – A rogue CIA agent trapped behind enemy lines risks treason to stop an illegal arms deal.

Impressions: Great concept full of high stakes. It’s sleek and leaves the reader wanting more.

 

HORIZON by Bas Geelen (feature) – A depressed young man working at a space observatory receives a mysterious message from an astronaut that got separated from his spacecraft and flew off into space fifteen years earlier.

Impressions: This one is full of intrigue. Grounded mystery with a slight absurd thriller element. Describing him as depressed is confusing in the logline. Think it can be a different word to give him some depth.

 

THE IRON HORSE OF LUCY STEELE by Paul E. Zeidman (feature) – After a notorious outlaw steals her train and kidnaps her best friend, a spitfire engineer embarks on a perilous journey across the frontier to get both of them back.

Impressions: This isn’t an exciting premise. Think it should start with “A spitfire engineer embarks…” Also think wording can be tweaked to elevate the concept.

 

LIGHTWORKERS by Alize Dakdduk (TV) – After being exposed as a lightworker, a girl must accept the help of an underground group of psychic vigilantes who want to use her gifts to change the world, or face capture by a secret government alliance responsible for outlawing metaphysical power.

Impressions: Great setup to a series. Interesting characters and world creation. High stakes and room for all kinds of twists and turns.

 

LUZ MARINA by Inga Moren (TV) – In the near future, a carefree woman escapes a grueling reality television lifestyle and while searching for philosophical awakening becomes the test subject to an obscure virtual technology in its beta stages that develops substitutes to human death.

Impressions: This one was really confusing. Think near future is irrelevant. Feels all over the place and not sustaining. 

 

MISSION: GENERATION Z by Brett O’Keeffe (feature) – When NASA’s desperate publicity stunt goes awry, fourteen year-old astronaut, Jake Mathers, must use his limited training and clever wits to save the International Space Station and all of its crew.

Impressions: Would make the “A 14 year-old boy…” more prominent. Sets up the mission and premise that a young kid will be our protagonist/hero. Has potential to appeal to a wide audience.

 

PAST THE MAP by Matthew P. Harding (feature) – A Roman officer in 1st century Egypt is blackmailed into a suicide mission in the heart of uncharted Africa.

Impressions: Needs an IP behind it. Even loosely based on a real Roman soldier. As it is, reads low concept, but has potential to be an epic narrative with a historical figure.  

 

TRANSFIXION by J. Giambrone (feature) – After society collapses from a hypnosis attack, and an army of dupes is raised, a traumatized teenage girl must seek refuge, learn to survive, and figure out how to defeat the hypnotizing signal to free humanity.

Impressions: The logline can be simplified. Still leaves some questions, like what wasn’t the girl affected by the hypnosis. The opposing force is underwhelming. However, a cool, unique twist on what could’ve been another zombie movie.

 

WAR BY PROXY by Daniel Cova (feature) – In a future where war is augmented by remotely controlled mechanized killing machines known as Proxys, the most revered Proxy Operator investigates the suspicious death of a fellow Operator and uncovers a vast conspiracy regarding the disturbing reality of the Proxy program.

Impressions: Starts off strong, but gets muddled. Can be simplified with less descriptive words. Intriguing world creation.

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TOP 5 – Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War

  1. GUNRUNNER by Despina Karintis (feature)
  2. LIGHTWORKERS by Alize Dakdduk (TV)
  3. HORIZON by Bas Geelen (feature)
  4. WAR BY PROXY by Daniel Cova (feature)
  5. CAELUM by Nicholas Waterbury (feature)

 

The top five (5) Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War loglines move on to the next round for judging.

Thank you to all who participated and congratulations to those moving on.

Next up:  Drama Bracket – Round 1

Previous results – Round 1:  Comedy, Horror/Thriller/Mystery

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