Scripts & Scribes – Logline Madness 2015
Judge: David Baggelaar – Benderspink
The following loglines were submitted to Scripts & Scribes as action, adventure, sci-fi, fantasy or war scripts and the top five (5) will move on to the next round of judging.
CAELUM by Nicholas Waterbury (feature) – In post-apocalyptic America, A wandering soldier meets an escaped slave with amnesia and must use her to save his family from a slave town run by a sociopathic leader.
Impressions: Feels familiar with the post-apocalyptic America set up. The slave with amnesia is a nice twist that can create high stakes and tension.
COLUMBIA by Warren Weisman (TV) – A psychiatrist must confront the possibility a patient is suffering from the psychological effects of faster-than-light travel.
Impressions: The word “possibility” is underwhelming. Not sure what faster-than-light travel means in this context.
FREEDOM FORT by Clint Williams (feature) – Two runaway slaves meet en route to a heavily armed refuge in Spanish Florida, just in time to help the former slaves living there defend the fort against invading American troops.
Impressions: For American audiences, this isn’t very appealing. The stakes feel low. Characters can be a bit more defined in the logline.
GUNRUNNER by Despina Karintis (feature) – A rogue CIA agent trapped behind enemy lines risks treason to stop an illegal arms deal.
Impressions: Great concept full of high stakes. It’s sleek and leaves the reader wanting more.
HORIZON by Bas Geelen (feature) – A depressed young man working at a space observatory receives a mysterious message from an astronaut that got separated from his spacecraft and flew off into space fifteen years earlier.
Impressions: This one is full of intrigue. Grounded mystery with a slight absurd thriller element. Describing him as depressed is confusing in the logline. Think it can be a different word to give him some depth.
THE IRON HORSE OF LUCY STEELE by Paul E. Zeidman (feature) – After a notorious outlaw steals her train and kidnaps her best friend, a spitfire engineer embarks on a perilous journey across the frontier to get both of them back.
Impressions: This isn’t an exciting premise. Think it should start with “A spitfire engineer embarks…” Also think wording can be tweaked to elevate the concept.
LIGHTWORKERS by Alize Dakdduk (TV) – After being exposed as a lightworker, a girl must accept the help of an underground group of psychic vigilantes who want to use her gifts to change the world, or face capture by a secret government alliance responsible for outlawing metaphysical power.
Impressions: Great setup to a series. Interesting characters and world creation. High stakes and room for all kinds of twists and turns.
LUZ MARINA by Inga Moren (TV) – In the near future, a carefree woman escapes a grueling reality television lifestyle and while searching for philosophical awakening becomes the test subject to an obscure virtual technology in its beta stages that develops substitutes to human death.
Impressions: This one was really confusing. Think near future is irrelevant. Feels all over the place and not sustaining.
MISSION: GENERATION Z by Brett O’Keeffe (feature) – When NASA’s desperate publicity stunt goes awry, fourteen year-old astronaut, Jake Mathers, must use his limited training and clever wits to save the International Space Station and all of its crew.
Impressions: Would make the “A 14 year-old boy…” more prominent. Sets up the mission and premise that a young kid will be our protagonist/hero. Has potential to appeal to a wide audience.
PAST THE MAP by Matthew P. Harding (feature) – A Roman officer in 1st century Egypt is blackmailed into a suicide mission in the heart of uncharted Africa.
Impressions: Needs an IP behind it. Even loosely based on a real Roman soldier. As it is, reads low concept, but has potential to be an epic narrative with a historical figure.
TRANSFIXION by J. Giambrone (feature) – After society collapses from a hypnosis attack, and an army of dupes is raised, a traumatized teenage girl must seek refuge, learn to survive, and figure out how to defeat the hypnotizing signal to free humanity.
Impressions: The logline can be simplified. Still leaves some questions, like what wasn’t the girl affected by the hypnosis. The opposing force is underwhelming. However, a cool, unique twist on what could’ve been another zombie movie.
WAR BY PROXY by Daniel Cova (feature) – In a future where war is augmented by remotely controlled mechanized killing machines known as Proxys, the most revered Proxy Operator investigates the suspicious death of a fellow Operator and uncovers a vast conspiracy regarding the disturbing reality of the Proxy program.
Impressions: Starts off strong, but gets muddled. Can be simplified with less descriptive words. Intriguing world creation.
TOP 5 – Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War
- GUNRUNNER by Despina Karintis (feature)
- LIGHTWORKERS by Alize Dakdduk (TV)
- HORIZON by Bas Geelen (feature)
- WAR BY PROXY by Daniel Cova (feature)
- CAELUM by Nicholas Waterbury (feature)
The top five (5) Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/War loglines move on to the next round for judging.
Thank you to all who participated and congratulations to those moving on.
Next up: Drama Bracket – Round 1
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